It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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