i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
