someone get that fucking seahorse.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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