We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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