i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
