my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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