Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
