you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
