Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
