What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
then he tried to convert me to islam
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
