I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
