Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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