pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
