o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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