she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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