He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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