if you like me you must not know who I am
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
