i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
