dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
