chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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