You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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