what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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