she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
