do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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