You're so nebulous sometimes
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
