Please, let me fuck your mom
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
