so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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