omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
