shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize