i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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