The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
