is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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