It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
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Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think my moral compass just broke
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