Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
