Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
