i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
