Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
