You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
