Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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