i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
