I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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