He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
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Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
They are going to name an STD after you.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight