We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them