i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...