thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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