the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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