I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.