everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties