whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
