just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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