Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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