that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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