the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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