i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
high people should be assigned attendants
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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