i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
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Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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