Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.