I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??