My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...