I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot