I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.