Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...