Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
