so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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