I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
