She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
