Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
