Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
