I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
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I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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