Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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