why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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