I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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