I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
