mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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