so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
