we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize