I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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