A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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