Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party