Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
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and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
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he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.