Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?