I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?