And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
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theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.