Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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