I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!