You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
