I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
