was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
this hospital has no fireball
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
