we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
