you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
