I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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