just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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